But at least I solved a couple problems already this week.
1. The "What should I spend my extra money on this week" issue
2. The "I'm intimidated by my car" issue
And of course, I completely and independantly (if that's a word) solved both of my weekly issues in a single "adventure."
(It's story time)
In my story, there involves a car, a cow pasture, another cow pasture, a chicken coop, rain, and a cold, lonely night.
You know this is getting good already.
Tuesday Evening.
So I was driving my way in what I would refer to as "Mad Action" rainfall, as we've had for 3 days straight, headed for nowheresville, or Dayton, TN.
The highway ( 153 ) was stopped dead in traffic, because no one knows how to drive in the rain.
(Well, they know how to drive in the rain, but their idea of driving involves them, their car, and another car in their car, along with many other cars around their cars, which includes cars with cool flashing lights.Maybe they're just attention mongers.)
Anyways, so I decided to take a backroad. Well, a smaller highway. ( 58 )
Everything is fine and dandy, I ALMOST make it to Dayton (Keyword: Almost) when, oops! Went up a little hill and followed back down rounded a right hand corner.
SPLASH! The whole right hand side of the road is not a puddle but a pond.
The whole untimely experience at that point could be summed up in two simple words.
In fact, they're the same couple words that ultimately ended up being the only words that penetrated my deep intellectual analysis and deduction of the situation.
"Oh Dang."
It was a vehicular version of TKO. Car said, "Blargh!" and fell down.
Well, not fell down, a car can't really "fall down" unless it maybe looses a wheel or something.
It just stopped working.
No response.
The second I felt it loose throttle response, turned the key off and dropped it in neutral... Whilst altogether balling like a baby (Inside. I have some dignity left, you know)
Quick Overlook Of Current Situation:
Stopped on a dirt road.
With a cow pasture to the left of the car
A cow pasture to the right of the car
A chicken coop
In a car that would turn over, but not start
At 9PM
With no street lights in existence
And it's raining.
What Could be Wrong?
No water in the intake, I could figure that out in the dark.
Figured I just grounded out, since everything seemed to be "working"
And promptly started calling people.
I even left Will Fellows a message (Gro Harlem)
Sounded something like this:
"Yeah... I'm uh, kind of on the side of the road, and the car kind of doesn't work... Maybe you can help me figure out the problem. Call me back... (If you could send an emoticon through a voicemail message, add a
to it )So I went forward to the tedious job of "Letting the car dry out".
Pulled out the random laptop in the back seat, played a bit of freecell.
11PM. Cranked the car. Turned, no catch.
1AM. Had a mountain dew. (thank god for the 12 pack in the car!) Cranked the car. No catch.
4AM. Can't go back to sleep. It's kinda cold... turn on the heater... OH wait, I can't! Cranked, no catch. Yeah, I got the idea that it hadn't "just" grounded out.
Started reading Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy until the battery on the laptop died. I read 3/4 of the first book. It's REALLY GOOD!
8AM. Daylight! Cranked, no catch. Meh, battery is almost dead. Popped the hood, it's sprinkling. Sounds like no spark, so I start tracing any and all elecrical wires.
Distributor has been dry. Found a wire from the wiring harness to the coil pack that was dislodged from a splice. Fixed it, but it wasn't the miracle wire.
Found a vacuum line that looked like it was chewed by a very hungry mouse. fixed it, wasn't the miracle hose.
Stared at the timing cover. Dang, it's bolted shut. Oh well, it wouldn't be the timing that the water would eff up.
Continued searching everything on the car for some mishap.
Maybe crankshaft sensor? Nope...
Fuses? Maybe ignition fuse? All fuses OK. Couldn't find "Ignition fuse" anyways.
What the heck... wait, what is that? Is that the bolts on the top of the rear timing belt cover both stripped out? I guess a peek to make sure wouldn't hurt...
...I was wrong, oh so wrong. It hurt a lot. the belt wasn't broken... but it was 1/3 ON the cam gear, and 2/3rds shoved against the head wall. I threw about 3 WTF's in rapid succession at the neighboring cows.
Dang those chicken coops stink...
and the flies are starting to gather around my car, too. Knock off, guys! I couldn't exactly get my morning shower in, OK?
Time to make more phone calls. Wrecker from Nowhere TN to Chattanooga? 150-175. Great, Wonderful.
Even better, I'm expected to either replace the belt with the supplied "car prop" and a craftsman socket set, or pay 398 dollars at the cheapest shop in chattanooga.
How bout just calling the local shops to see if they'd do a quick mockup at fixing the timing belt? Called some local shops. "A MAZDA? I'm sorry, we don't WORK on MAZDA'S." (John Deere's are a different story.)
Then, as if the good Lord heard me, here came the good Samaritan ON his John Deere (not joking) and was able in lending Zero mechanical assistance.
What he did give me was a phone number, though. Phone number to the closest shop which just happens to not cry when they hear the name Mazda. And what's that? Labor only costs $$$$$160??? AND they have their own wrecker service? That's as much as a tow home costs!
Editors Note:
Just to point out the severity of the issue of the outlying neighborhood, the trip in the wrecker, with Pops and his 13 year old son, the conversation between them went verbatim like this:
"SKATEBOARDIN' magazine? Wha' the hell'ya lookin' at a dang SKATEBOARDIN' magazine foa? Hell, that's a GAL's magazine. Ya might as well put on a perty pink dress and lil' pink panties, ya little pansy! Do somethin' manly, like motorcycles or somethin'.
It's too bad maw won't let me sho ya' my manly magazines. har har."
1PM. Finally at the shop... featuring a freshly retrieved Bronco that was in a river since 1998
(The clam car. You wouldn't believe the barnacles on this thing)
and trucks they were "fixing."
And by "fixing" I mean, turning them into mudding go carts. take off the bed, interior, hood, windows and any part that really doesn't HAVE to be there, and putting bigarse tires on them. Bam, truck fixed.
So anyways, 1PM, I was really hungry, no breakfast.
"where's the closest restaurant?" I asked
"'bout mile down that way" (that way being very vague for me as he failed to point, but apparently I was expected to know the direction anyways)
"Oh really? What kind of restaurant is it? Diner? Fast food?"
"They jes' serve food. Go down that way an' it'sa trailer with a sign. Good food, though."
...I decided I'd go hungry
So the shop didn't have any official "rules" like, stay out of the garage for insurance purposes, blah blah, so I ended up helping out the mechanic work on my car anyways. (Where'd I put that pulley?)
5PM - Finally done with the car. Put it all together... engine was flooded with fuel, took a bit to crank it on. Charged the battery a bit.
Ran a bit rough, but she was running! Ran "up the road" for a multi purpose trip (took a mechanic to a gas station to get some packs of cigarettes, did a test run AND hit up the ATM to pay the shop)
Turned out the timing was off a tooth. Got back to the shop, the mechanic that was working on my car took off already.
But it works! Like arse! It is advanced 1 tooth.
Friday they said they'll fix the timing for me, so I'll have it all straightened out by then.
And now I'm home, had food, will have shower, am tired, and have a car that drives and sounds like an oversized lawnmower.
A VERY oversized lawnmower.
I'm done with adventures.
Glad things worked out for ya though - and at not TOO bad a price.
You failed to mention that you were to short to see what you were doing. 
I thought the car looked neat balanced on the 2 left tires, so did the Ninja's!
I popped him in the back of the head a couple of times for you!
